For a long, long time now we have known that there is a syndrome in which a woman returns to the man that beat her. Yet society does nothing to prevent this from happening. Rihanna was punched over and over in a car. He said, “Now I’m really going to kill you.” I read somewhere that she was unconscious for a period of time. LAPD cops interviewed Rihanna after the attack and she told them Brown had been violent toward her in the past and that the attacks were getting “more violent” as time went on. Something happens in the brain of a woman who has been beaten, something just as primal as his rage. It is a misplaced tend and befriend response, the strong belief that she can help him, heal him. He tells her it won’t ever happen again, that he loves her deeply, and is likely truly remorseful. She decides it’s not totally his fault that he lost control, feels sorry for him and takes him back. Love and rage and passion get muddled. He kisses the spots where he hit her and voila. She almost feels like she loves him more and just wants to pretend it never happened. In a situation where he is a famous musician with huge numbers of female fans the lure would be that much stronger. She does not fully grasp that he could truly kill her at some point. The U.S. estimates, from the Bureau of Justice Statistics (BJS), are that more than three women a day are killed by their intimate partners. (Women are killed by intimate partners more than by another acquaintance or stranger.) In the meantime, she is being treated as though she is worthless and little by little in situations like this the woman comes to believe she is worthless. Returning to the man that beat you is a syndrome, a dangerous instinctual response which requires serious therapy for the woman. After a woman is beaten there should be a legally required separation and therapy period for her, a long period, six months or more. A restraining order should always be placed on the man. They should not be allowed to even speak to each other until after this long period of therapy for both. Jail is a short term punishment. He needs emotional help, not just anger management training. He should not be allowed near women until he gets it. We are talking a year, not a few weeks of therapy, for his sake as well as hers. Many beautiful, talented women have been taken out of the picture by domestic abuse. Let’s hope Rihanna is not one.
Personal Story of Domestic Abuse. by Leslie Morgan Steiner, CNN